You launch your site, you get things going, you do what you have to do. You’ve got hustle. And there’s no stopping you know, your very first booking comes in. I bet you remember that feeling. It was lighting in a bottle, and you felt good. I know I did. You go to a show and pick up some steam (I mean, how can you not – you’re only charging $1k), you’ve got this album and that, this pricing and that, and things are moving along. You’re on the go, when, the next thing you know, the time is gone – more years than I’d like to count. Where did it go? I don’t know. It went to business and bills, children, family, and all the like. It went to a few good meals and trip out West, and who knows how many things in between. But the time is nowhere to be found.
So this one day, as I’m all alone, I see an album in the corner of my room. A sad little book from sometime back, and it hits me that all the years are sitting right there. I start to look around, and everywhere I see, I find the vestiges of that old me. The one who just got his first booking, made his first website, and shot for almost free. My mind races, I look more and more, and suddenly he’s everywhere – in my process, my shooting, my thinking, my fears – he’s there in every crack and crevice of my mind. He’s my insecurity, and he’s running the show.
I’ve tried to cover him up, to fool everyone else, and make it seem like he was gone. I tried to buy my way out, I’ve gone Canon, I’ve gone Nikon, I’ve gone from tilt-shift to film, and moved from one trick to the next. I thought if I ran an ad here and got to shoot there, if I copied my heroes, I’d become what I wasn’t. But the slick new albums, the slew of new shots, and my mighty D3s weren’t enough to make him go away. No amount of money, no PDNs, no expos, no insider tricks were enough. I was looking for love in all the wrong places.
You never become the you of your future until you let go of the past. Go where you fear – you’ll find what you need. The universe has a way of colluding with you when you put yourself out there, when you step out and say “This is me.” Now you might think there’s strength in your history, and I’d say you’d be right on track. But when you let go, that part of you isn’t going anywhere. Your strength is sinewy and tough, made of stronger stuff, and it’s always by your side. But as for that former you, the freshman inside your head making all the wrong calls who is acting as your boss – that’s baggage to drop, it’s the thing holding you back, and you’re way beyond that now. As for me? I’m looking him in the eye and sending him off. The nostalgia was nice, but I think it’s well past time I stopped taking his advice and met my future self. It’s really so simple. Forget the chase, believe in you, and let him know he’s fired.
Spencer, are you leaving the industry? Say it ain’t so! It’s always been such a pleasure working with you
No, no – no worries. Actually, the exact opposite. There are going to be some great improvements this year. I’ll be sure to keep you in the loop!
Hej Emma!Jeg synes, at din blog er vildt god! D er vildt dygtig til at lægge makeup! Tak for tippet med Plexi organizer! Jeg lokkede min mor til at købe en til mig. Den kostede kun 20 kr., det er godt nok billigt! I julegave fik jeg næsten den sammen med til 250 kr.! SÃ¥ tak for tippet 🙂 og mange gange tillykke med kørekortet! 🙂
Wow, really interesting that I have been thinking some of this currently myself. I have a dual photography life, different disciplines and have been holding myself back with one side of it. I am happy to say I am pushing ahead and going to fail a little bit in the next year, because I am simply not content, not exactly happy.
I have a good past but a better future, now I am stepping out of my own way to get there.
– Gary
Yes! I know what you mean about dual photography lives! I feel like I’m starting to suffer from MPD.
oh man this is a great site! Love reading your insightful and wonderful thoughts about photography and the inside stuff behind it all.
Thank-you!
I am excited to see what else you bring up here and where your new steps go.
I don’t even know what to say, this made things so much easier!
Great example Lyn. Isn’t it also an example of how we should look at and treat other people. Sometimes we see a person, even have a relationship with them, and think that there’s no way they will ever change, and then they do. Sometimes we give up on people and treat them as if they’re dead… Thank the Lord He never gave up on us, and through His love raised us up to new life… May we never forget that love, real love, can transform people…
i refuse to say thanks until they are back AND running. no trying to trick us into thinking they are back.and so again in another "blog entry": BRING BACK CATEGORIES!!!
This is one of your most inspiring posts yet. Your message strikes so true and I feel very moved.
You have very much inspired me to write my old self a pink slip…
Thank you so much for sharing.