Sometimes, the shit hits the fan, and you’re stuck cleaning the mess. And it sucks. How much does it suck? It sucks to the tune of about 10.9 million results plus or minus a few when you Google “What to do when your client is unhappy.” As it turns out, there’s no dearth of advice on how to slink your way through the gauntlet.
And, yet, for all that, the first time I ever Googled those words was exactly 36 minutes and 12 seconds before I started writing this.
Here’s my small contribution to the mix.
When things go wrong, as tempting as it is, this is not your chance to get your passive-aggressive on. People sniff out self-interest faster than you can inhale glue. Carrie Bradshaw once said “Don’t forget to fall in love with yourself first.” And if a narcissistic, fictional character who spends $40,000 on shoes says it, then I’d say it’s a good sign to do the opposite.
There is no dearth of people who are already far too far in love with themselves. Angry clients hate defensive businesses. I like to employ the forget-being-in-love-with-myself-and-just-solve-the-damn-problem” strategy instead. It’s not as new age-y as acknowledging your self-love and living fiercely from the I, but it makes the pain go away a whole lot faster, and, guess what? It makes your clients happier too.
And when things go wrong, you want happy clients.
For real? Yes. For real.
Not because the client is always right and all that. Who really thinks that? But the real question is, does it matter? You’re in business. Some clients will be wrong, some will be right. You’ll have to deal with both.
Here’s the oft forgotten point:
SUPER SECRET SUCCESS PRINCIPLE #209
Unhappy people fight back. Happy people don’t.
This is important. It kind of flies by, and you don’t really notice, but here’s what it means. If you focus on making someone happy, they’ll be willing to hear you out and even accept what you’re saying. But if you focus on making people hear you out and accept what you’re saying, they’ll just get angrier.
Now, maybe you say “But they’ll blame me if I don’t defend myself!” In reality, they already blame you. And no matter what you say, they’ll make up some reason that you’re still wrong if they’re mad. All these years doing this, and not even one person told me I showed them the light, despite my proclamations of innocence. Not even a thank you. Sheesh.
See, on it’s own, Super Secret Success Principle #209 is sort of a “Fine. Meh. Got it.” sort of thing. But in the heat of battle, it’s everything, because almost anything you read from an unhappy client is probably going to read a little like “blah, blah, blah, you’re wrong…blah, blah, blah…I think you’re an idiot, and I blame you.”
And when someone hears “I think you’re an idiot, and I blame you,” whether it was in the words or not, it is very, very hard not to push back. But, see, that just makes them come back at you harder. See how the cycle works? All bad.
For example, I’ve noticed when I get in a fight with my wife (umm…you know…once in awhile that happens…) she’s a whole lot more willing to listen to me after we’ve made up than in the middle of the argument. Because she’s happy. Or at least not pissed.
Here’s a simple guide whenever things go south:
1. TAKE 5
Calm yourself down. Responses written in anger and frustration rarely read well. And absolutely no passive-aggressive-y stuff. People can tell when you say things like “I’m so sorry you feel that way,” that you’re really not. If you say, “I’m sorry we missed that,” people feel better. If you say, “I’m sorry we missed the shot that I wasn’t required to take according to the contract,” people don’t.
2. CALM YOUR CLIENT DOWN
A simple “I’m sorry. Do you have a moment to talk, so we can figure things out?” will do the job. And reply quickly. When someone is angry, minutes matter. Remember, as clients, we all have long histories of being treated badly, so a little care can go a long way. Sometimes, it’s so shocking and disarming, it’s enough on its own.
3. GET YOUR CLIENTS ON THE PHONE
Also, keep your emails short. No essays describing every sensation pulsing through your body. Who wants to read an essay? Email excels at efficiency, but it stinks as communication. Get them to talk. If people hear you’re sincere, people will let you off for a lot. Also, clients are often more reasonable than their emails sound.
4. KNOW YOUR GOALS
Know what you’re willing to give in on and what you’re not. Know what you want to achieve. If you don’t, it’s easy to get carried away in the heat of the moment.
5. FIND THE PROBLEM
Whether you can fix it or not, make your client feel valued. Listen to them intently and fully. When most people are heard, even if the problem can’t be fixed, they feel better.
6. LIVE TO FIGHT ANOTHER DAY
As Gloria Gaynor would tell you, you will survive.
And there you have it. You’re welcome.
Great article! Hard to cool down in the moment! I like to try and remember that “God (or who/whatever) gave you two ears and one mouth – use them in that ratio!”
Love that – thanks Dan!
“And when someone hears “I think you’re an idiot, and I blame you,” whether it was in the words or not, it is very, very hard not to push back. But, see, that just makes them come back at you harder. See how the cycle works? All bad.”
Yep so true. While I was reading this I was thinking from the customers point of view (we recently had a disagreement with a business) and boy did they handle things just like you said not to. The trouble is there is really not much the customer can do to make the interaction better. There must be some reverse advice out there – I bet there are even more hits on google 🙂
Thanks for the practical advice.
I was thinking about this a bit. There kind of is – I call it the hero technique. Put people up to be the hero if they help you, so they’re on a pedestal, and by empowering them, it makes them happy and more likely to help. Thanks for sharing, Ian!
Love reading your insights. Always great advice if I do not know it and a great reminder if I do. Thanks for all the words of wisdom!
Great one! I just wanted to add to #4 that good ole “Balloon” principle applies: don’t let all of the hot air out from your balloon, or you’ll fall. Offer small incentives, one bite at a time, or the client will cross the line and ask for more before you even notice. It’s just a human nature.
In my experience the best way to diffuse the situation is to call and LISTEN to the client.
Once they’ve finished talking, don’t fight back, ask what it is they’d like you to do to make things right for them.
Often with this approach, I’ve found they don’t want anything, just someone to acknowledge them and listen to their complaint, grievance, worry or concern.
I usually send something anyway just to leave a good taste – a card, chocolates, a reprint… something.
Most of the time, they just want to be acknowledged.
Nice article and a good reminder to folks. Business is business and we all do forget that when we’re offended. My only comment on this situation is to use some preventive medicine. Good communication is vital to good business relations. It’s so important to communicate expectations before the event in order to avoid unhappy encounters after the fact.
Hey There,
Good ol communication can really help out in moments like these. But your clients perception is their reality too.
Thanks,
Christopher Pontine
Really nice post, Spencer. Insightful and intelligent.
The big one for me is 5): if you can try to empathize with your client you will find a common, calmer ground much quicker.
If we treat disagreements as miscommunications, and thereby learning opportunities – then we can ‘protect’ ourselves from letting them happen again. Or at least try to.
Then again, sometimes you’ll just have to suck it up and look at the bigger picture, as you note in 4).
Thanks for sharing.
Alexander
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